Christians are straight up FREAKS
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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