Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
