I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize