12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
