Midget sex pt 2 tonight
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
