I smell stomach acid.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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