What a fucking waste of an outfit
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize