Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
