One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Terrible idea I love it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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