tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
