is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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