I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
