I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
