you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
