That's intense
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
