NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
