this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
