No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
