I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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