it wasn't lemon gatorade
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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