Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
