The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
i think i just lost a toe
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
