Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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