Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
