How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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