I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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