Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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