you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
