The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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