R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This is not my ceiling
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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