I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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