I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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