Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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