Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
