So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
