I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
