It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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