but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
