Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
