Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
