I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
