Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize