Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
