I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
