yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
