cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
