I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
