I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
