you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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