In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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