My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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