you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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