Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
