I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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