I looked at my own cervix.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize