He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
