His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
