Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
