I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize