I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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