this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
