Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
