I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
