Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
