Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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