I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize