he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
