Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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