i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize