you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
