It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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