I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
