Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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