i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
