I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
