I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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