Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
