I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
