I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
