Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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