He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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