Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
