They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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