If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So apparently I’m into choking now
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