I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
