is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
