I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
