So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
