Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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